Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A depressing dose of middle aged reality

Yesterday I was in San Fran having my annual doctor's visit - because I can't get enough of traffic and tolls and am too lazy to find a doctor on this side of the Bay. At any rate my highly precise, technical, genius doctor started the appointment as always, asking in her clipped tones how my health has been.

Me: "Overall, great, except those three annoying on-again, off-again pounds seem to be permanent these days. I work out as much as ever and have the same diet but they won't go away."
Dr.: "That's biology for you."
Me: "What, nature wants me to be unattractive?"
Dr.: "Precisely. You're ending your child-bearing years, why should someone waste his seed on you?"

She went on to say that, were we all living in the wild in caves, and if you took away all the accouterments of prescription lenses, modern dental work etc., a middle aged woman would have a pretty limited menu. "Your eyesight would be failing, and you probably wouldn't have teeth left to chew with. Most of your time would be spent caring for your children rather than worrying about your food. So your body becomes more efficient, needing fewer calories to maintain the same weight."

And then the capper. "Really, if you want to keep your weight down, you should think about eating only food you could forage in the wild and eat without teeth."

So I'm off to gum down some blueberries and contemplate my mortality.

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